Woman Driving, Man Sleeping

There is a song by Eels called, yes, 'Woman Driving, Man Sleeping'.  You might recognize echoes of the lyrics in this story.  You can listen to the song here: Eels - 'Woman Driving, Man Sleeping'

Before you ask 'Is this story autobiographical?', let me say this...  Some of the emotions are but the scenario is not.

I believe the story benefits from a certain economy of words.  I hope you agree.  

                                                                                 

Man Driving:

It had been suggested with the best of intentions.  One of her friends had offered the use of a cottage in the middle of the Welsh countryside - miles from anywhere - for a long weekend.  'It’s nothing special, but it would do the two of you a lot of good - to get away - to spend time together.  ...Just the two of you again,' she said.

We both knew that her friend was right.  Life had been tough recently - she had lost her father, the children were still fairly young, we had both been working long hours.  We had tried our best, but yet...  There just hadn't been the time to really let ourselves be the people we had once been. Something similar had happened to our friends - marriage, mortgage, kids, responsibility, careers - it was just part of life, wasn't it?  You hit your late-thirties, early forties, and that's what you do, isn't it?  Everyone does it.  So you just get on with it, muddle through.

Woman Sleeping:

A beach.  The sound of waves.  Warm sunshine. 

You feel that, don't you?  Calm.  Tranquility.  I want to stay here.

Man Driving:

We dropped the children off at my parents' on the Thursday evening and arrived at the cottage Friday lunchtime.  Her friend had been right.  The cottage had been simply furnished yet comfortable.  And secluded?  Oh yes.  The nearest farm was a good ten miles away.  The friend had joked that the mobile reception was pretty poor around those parts.  Pretty poor?  Not a single bar. Work couldn't contact me here.  In fact no-one could.  It was just me and her - just like it had been before.  It had been kind of, well... liberating.  I remember loving that - I'm incommunicado.  I'm free.

She's still sleeping.  Good.  It's been a long weekend.  Too long.

Man and Woman Awake:

'Would you like me to drive now?  You need to rest.'

'Okay.  Let's pull over at the next service station, get a coffee and we'll swap.'

Woman Driving:

I had enjoyed the first day or so with him.  We hadn't spent that much time together recently, so it had been pleasant to just potter around, enjoy the countryside, curl up on the sofa by the fire.  I saw some of the man I once knew, yet...  The doubts remained. I had hoped that being there would make them vanish, but no.  They remained.

Sunday morning.  We had been sat down at breakfast, exchanging small talk, like we always do.  Then I said it, just like I had rehearsed in my own mind too many times before.  I told him that I loved him, yet...  Not now.  Not in that way.  His expression changed - his usual calm, amiable manner vanished.  He sat there, looking down, a small wedge of butter balanced on his knife, never quite touching the toast.  He said he was sorry, got up, put on his coat and walked out.

I didn't see him for the rest of the day.  He returned in the evening, wet and cold, still in a state of shock.  I ran him a bath, made a cup of tea and we held each other.  We tried to make love, but...  No.  He slept on the sofa.  I regretted feeling this way about him, but he needed to know.

Man Sleeping:

Once I came home from work early when she was out.  The house seemed big, empty.   It had never felt that way before.  There was obviously something missing, goodness knows what it was but, My God, I needed to find it.  I opened all the doors, checked all the rooms.  I still couldn't find it, whatever it was.  I left the house, defeated.

Woman Driving:

He's just turned over in his sleep.  At least he can sleep.  Why did I tell him?  Could I have carried on pretending?  It's too late to think these things now.

Man Sleeping:

I came back later.  She was there in the living room, sat on the sofa using her smart phone.  I greeted her, asked her what she was doing.  No response.  I wanted to grab that phone from her and smash it, crush it.  Then she would pay me attention.  Oh yes.  Then she would.

Woman Driving:

This morning we had a long talk about what we would do next.  The children, the house, what we would tell friends and family.  ...Or at least I did.  He just sat there, blank faced, apparently not quite comprehending what was happening, what I was saying.  He asked if I would consider marriage counselling; I agreed.  We hugged after our chat.  Yes, I was physically close to him at that moment, yet I had never felt so distant.

Man Sleeping:

It's summer.  Sunshine.  I'm meeting someone.  I can't wait to see them.

Woman Driving:

It's getting dark.  Both of us need to be at work tomorrow morning; we should have taken another day off.  We are going to be exhausted.  I don't think we'll feel much like working but we have to get through this, don't we?  We have to get back.

H'mmm...  No-one around.  Full beam it is then.

Man Sleeping:

I can't believe that I hadn't noticed her before; she had been sitting two rows in front of me in the lecture theatre all year.  Then one day she turned around and smiled at me...  At that point I just knew.  It took me a good week or so to summon up the courage to ask her out for an ice cream.  Why an ice cream?  Oh I don't know; it had been warm and it was the first thing I managed to blurt out.  I couldn't believe just how nervous I felt.  She said 'Yes', thank God. 

...And here she is now.

Woman Driving:

What's that?  No!

Man Sleeping:

She takes my hand, kisses me and I can't express just how ...happy I feel.  

I'm so glad that she is here, with me, right now.

Woman Awakes:

Where am I?  What happened?  The car?  There was a deer... Oh my God, is he alright?  Is that blood?  Oh my God, there is so much!  Is he alive?  He's breathing!  Ambulance!  Where's my mobile?  OhmyGodohmyGod.  Crap!  Crapcrapcrap no signal.  NO SIGNAL!  WHAT DO I DO NOW?               

Man Sleeping:

We are lying on a blanket in a park, under the shade of an oak tree. Her head is resting on my chest; she's playing with the sleeve of my t-shirt.  She's laughing; I'm laughing.

Warm dappled sunlight.  You feel that, don't you?  Calm.  Tranquility.  I want to stay here.